Navigating Through the Desert of Loneliness
A few years back Dan and I took a road trip. We traveled by car from Florida to California. Somewhere in California, our Google maps took us through a desert. We were in this desert for over 100 miles. We didn’t have phone service. There weren’t any gas stations or places to stop in case of an emergency. What we did have in abundance was the hot burning sun above us and a few cactus and tumbleweed along this narrow desolate road. I was in a panic! What would we do if we had car trouble? Who would ever come by that way and find us? We were alone and I was frightened.
In ministry, our lives can seem like that drive through the desert. Unlike that 100 mile road, the road of loneliness goes on and on with no end in sight. This can almost be debilitating at times. I believe everyone in ministry goes through times of loneliness. How do we navigate through this and come out successfully? I’ll share some things that have helped me during these times.
Be honest with your spouse. They need to know what you are struggling with. You don’t have to be a superhero with them. Let them know your feelings. They can’t change the circumstance, but they can walk with you through this. Dan and I have always tried to be truthful with each other. We’ve tried to carve out time everyday to talk and discuss our innermost feelings. We’ve also made time in our hectic schedule to be intimate on a regular basis. This may sound absurd, but having that bond with your spouse will help you emotionally and will help ease the feelings of loneliness.
Another thing that I did in ministry when I experienced this desert of loneliness was to be a friend to the lonely. This was usually someone who wasn’t in the popular church clique. It was someone who was struggling much more than me and truly needed a friend. When I got my eyes off of myself and helped others, it helped me!
Loneliness is real, and it can exist in a small or large church. The size of the church is of little consequence. Being in ministry is lonely at times and if we focus on that, it can drive us crazy, and we can become unfruitful and even contemplate throwing in the towel. So if you are in that desert now, be proactive. Be open and honest with your spouse. Look for ways to help other lonely people. Some of my best friends in life have come out of these lonely, desert times. I was trying to help them, but they helped me come out of my despondent loneliness.