No Favs in the Family
Everyone loves to feel special, and no one likes to feel like the ugly duckling or the fifth wheel. In ministry, it is so easy to pick your favorites and show them special attention and priority.
I grew up in a pastor’s home and saw this firsthand from a very early age. My parents always taught me to love everyone in the church regardless of their financial or popularity status.
Many people want you to choose them as your “special and dearest friend.” In doing this, you begin the “I’m the favorite game.” You never win when you play the game this way. Many times these people will expect favors from you, or expect you to always take their advice, or always pick their children or grandchildren for whatever is happening in the children’s ministry. You think, “NO! This would never happen.” Absolutely! It can and usually does in time. These same people who seem to be your dearest friend can turn on you so quickly that your head will spin.
It is easy to like someone who takes you out to lunch, gives you gift cards, cash, or presents on special days, and overall pampers you. It is very difficult to stay neutral and treat them just the same as the poorest person in your church who can’t bless you in any way.
Whenever you have your favorites in the church, your favorites will know and so will the rest of the congregation. Those things don’t remain a secret. People know who you cater to and whose advice you listen to. The rumor mill begins! Showing partiality is never right.
It may not be that someone picks you out, you may be the one who does the picking. You desire for someone to be your bosom buddy. Being a pastor’s wife can be lonely, and you need a friend. You may have a woman in the church that just clicks with you. She has the same desires, personality, and the list goes on and on. This is not a wise decision either. You need to be very discreet in your choosing of friends and even more cautious in what you tell these friends. What you tell them now, can and usually will be retold to someone else in the future.
Am I saying that you can’t have friends? Absolutely not! Jesus was a friend to the children, poor, sick, homeless, unloved, and misfits in society. He loved and helped those who no one else loved and wanted to be around. I have had my greatest fulfillment in ministry when I lived my life this way. People that can’t repay the favor or compensate you in any way can become your greatest friends. Choose those individuals to love and disciple in Christ.
Live your ministry with the thought…No favs in the family. Treat everybody with the same love and care that you would like for someone to treat you. Others are watching and learning from the example that you set in your life.
Being a pastor’s wife is such a great honor, but also brings so much responsibility. This one area of friendship is one that can make or break you in ministry. I hope that if you are new to ministry that you will live your life like Jesus. If you have been in the ministry for years and have played favorites, start today and love everyone equally.