How to Leave a Church Staff Position
Throughout my 30 years of pastoring I had many staff come and go. Most of my staff that left are still very good friends today. I would even say that several of them are some of my best friends on earth. But there were some that left our staff in very hurtful and destructive ways. There are some that left in such a way that there will never be a close relationship again. How can this be avoided?
For the purpose of this blog, we will not be discussing a situation where a staff member is fired or is asked to leave (although these same principles should apply). Let’s discuss the situation where a staff member decides of their own free will to leave and pursue other opportunities.
Here is a simple principle to always remember – leave a place in a way that you would always be welcomed back. Many staff members unnecessarily burn bridges on their way out the door. This is usually regretted later. Let’s be real – many times the decision to leave is preceded by frustrations, hurt feelings, discontent with decisions made by leadership, disagreements concerning preference issues, or simply the staff member has a different vision for what the church should be. This is not always the case. A staff member may simply leave because they have a passion for a different ministry somewhere else. But for whatever reason, the decision is made – the staff member decides to leave and pursue another ministry.
It is at this point that a person’s spiritual character (for good or bad) comes shining through. On their way out the door, the staff member will either make it all about him/her, or all about Jesus.
How can that staff person leave in the right way? How can they depart in a way that will glorify God? How can they leave in a way that will bring peace to God’s church and protect the unity of the church?
Tell the right people first.
This may not always be the lead pastor, depending on the type of church government, and who you were accountable to. But most of the time, the lead pastor will at least be in that initial meeting.
Here is what you don’t want to happen – you don’t want the leadership to find out through the grapevine that you are leaving. God desires that things be done decently and in order. God is a God of order, structure, and authority. Even if you don’t respect the leadership, you should respect the position and have a conversation with them before you talk to anybody else in the church.
Give proper notice.
Your main desire should be to leave in a way that the cause of Jesus can continue without a hiccup. Give proper notice and ample time for the church to train and equip others to function in your place. In fact, you need to offer to be a part of that process and help in any way you can so that there is a smooth transition when you leave.
There may be a temptation to leave abruptly so that everybody can see how valuable you were and how much you did. This is clearly the pride of the flesh. This is not the way of Jesus. Even after investing over 3 years into the disciples, after the cross and resurrection, Jesus spent 40 more days training and preparing the disciples. Jesus’ desire was that the work would continue after He was gone. In fact, He wanted the 12 to do “greater works” than He did.
Keep your word.
Does that seem rather basic? Trust me, it is often forgotten.
- If you tell your leaders you will give them one month, then give them one month.
- If you tell the leadership you will not speak of certain things to others, then keep your word!
- If you say you will write out your duties and how to do them, then follow through and do a great job and do it!
I had a staff member tell me that he would give me as much time as I needed to transition, even if it meant months. Two weeks later I received an email that the next Sunday (3 days away) would be his last. There was no concern as to a smooth transition or the repercussions it would cause in the church body.
During your transition out of the church, keep your promises. No matter the discomfort or inconvenience it may cause you, always keep your word!
Be consistent in your words.
There is nothing more frustrating than when a person says different things to different people. For example, the staff member tells the pastor and board the reasons why he is leaving, but then tells church friends another version. This is called being “double-tongued.” It is a mark of immaturity and carnality.
If there are behind the scenes issues at work, either keep it to yourself or tell a trusted person who is out of town and not in the church. Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth. Don’t go to other staff members and poison them. Apply Ephesians 4:29 to every word you speak.
“Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for building up, that it may give grace to the listeners.”
Be thankful and keep a great attitude.
Usually when a staff member leaves, there are behind the scenes issues at work that contributed to the decision. But people do NOT need to know these things. They are your personal feelings and issues. There is no need to air your gripes on the way out the door. People do not need to know every reason why you are leaving. It is very common for a a departing staff member to try and infect other staff members with their own personal issues. They want other staff to leave with them. This is extremely ungodly and should never happen.
When you have decided to leave, smile a lot and constantly say “thank you.” How hard is this? It really isn’t hard at all, but can become very difficult if we are functioning in the flesh. Be thankful for the opportunity you have been given, be thankful for the friendships you have made, be thankful for the lives that have been impacted, be thankful for all you have learned, be thankful for the position in ministry you were given, etc.
“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”
Be known as a person that left with a gracious, kind, thankful, sweet spirit. This is what people should remember about you. When you speak your final words to the church, let thanksgiving and gracious words proceed out of your mouth. If there is an awkwardness between you and some of the other leaders, write out what you want to say, give it to them ahead of time and let them approve of it. This is the proper way of conducting yourself as you leave.
As we end this blog, I want to reiterate what I said at the beginning, leave in a way that you would always be welcomed back. As you end a chapter of your life, end well! The temptation is to think, “I’m leaving, so I will dump the trash can of everything I don’t like before I leave.” Remember, somebody has to stay there for the church when you leave. They don’t need to be cleaning up a mess that you left behind. I don’t care what your feelings are about the pastor, board, or the church, your respect for the cause of Jesus should keep you from leaving a mess behind. You want the church to be stronger and better for you having been there!